


Accidental Badass

by EmptyMilkCarton



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Crack, Drabbles, Eventual Romance, Humor, M/M, glasses negan, prompt, request
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2018-12-31 01:01:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12121131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmptyMilkCarton/pseuds/EmptyMilkCarton
Summary: In which Negan badly needs glasses.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For the Regan server. Enjoy!

Rick watched the door of the RV swing open so quick it slammed against the side. This was it. The big bad wolf. He couldn’t stop the nervous thrum in his chest. His small group - his _family_ \- wouldn’t stand a chance. These men - Saviors as they called themselves - had a sizable army, countless guns, and several trucks.

“You ready to meet the big man?” a voice said next to Rick. The impish guy grinning down at his as he spoke went by Simon, Rick remembered.

Rick didn’t reply to that, eyes glued to the doorframe as a man stepped out, looking like he’d just left auditions for Grease.

Said man went to step down and promptly fell on his face.

Rick blinked.

“Fuck! Missed the stairs. Anyways, hi! I’m Negan, your cool fuckin’ badass hardass dopeass well-hung neighbor,” he said, standing up and brushing himself off. “Aaand _this_ is Lucille!” He patted the ground blindly for a few awkward seconds before picking up a wooden baseball bat sporting tinsel. “Isn’t she just fuckin’ _gorgeous_?” he crowed proudly, waving it around.

The Alexandrians said nothing, giving each other confused looks.

“So! I heard all y’all been fuckin’ with my shit? Guess what, that fuckin’...fuckin’ twists my balls the wrong way. Not in a sexy way. In a bad way. And I decided that one of you needed a little...a little fuckin’...punishment. Yeah, that sounds good.” He half-skipped, half-tripped over to where Rick and company where lined up. “So, which one of you wants to kiss Lucille? And by kiss I mean kiss your life good fuckin’ bye, ‘cause you’ll be dead. ‘Cause I’ll hit you over the head with her.”

Rick’s eyes widened as Negan raised Lucille above his head. “Whoa, whoa, whoa!”

But it was too late.

A splash of red hit Rick’s face. 


	2. Chapter 2

Rick wiped the watermelon juice off his face. “Hey, what the hell are you doin’?!” he exclaimed, shocked yet relieved it hadn’t been Glenn for some reason.

“How the hell are you still talkin’?” Negan asked, surprised, “I just destroyed that guy’s head! Woulda thought you'd be a little fuckin’ speechless.”

Rick looked up at Negan. “Just...used to death,” he managed. _What the hell is wrong with this guy?_

Negan went silent at that for a moment. “Heh. Makes two of us,” he said finally, slinging Lucille over his shoulder. “Look, kid. You and me? We gotta talk. Up. Now.”

Rick stood uncertainly, looking at his friends for advice, but they were just as confused as he. He jumped a little when Negan laid an arm over his shoulder and led him to the RV

“You ready to discuss politics?” Negan asked, bumping his head against Rick’s.

“What do you mean…?”

“Like what you’re gonna do to repay for killin’ a bunch of innocent men, you fuckin’ psyc—GAH!” Negan went to sit down on the RV’s booth and missed completely, landing on his ass.

Rick tried not to laugh as Negan struggled to get up. “I dunno, what were you expecting?”

Negan huffed and brushed himself off. “Your shit, mine. You work for me, kid. Gimmie that sword.”

“I… That’s a hatchet.”

“Gimmie the _hatchet_.”

Rick handed it over cautiously. “So...we...work for you. How does that play out?”

“You just do whatever I tell you to,” Negan replied happily. “So fuckin’ make me some dinner.”


End file.
